I Should Have Bet on the Lottery.

Did you ever get one of those days where everything you didn’t want to happen, happened? I call it the reverse-lottery effect.

Technically it didn’t really start today, but rather a few weeks ago when I received a summons in the mail for: JURY DUTY.

At the mere mention or sight of those words, an almost involuntary need for profanity rises from the depths of my vocal box.

To make matters worse, I noticed that the location I was to report to wasn’t the courthouse two miles away, but one that would require me to commute to and sit through agonizing traffic.
The only courthouse I’m ever willing to commute to is the fake one that was used in Back to the Future on the Universal Studios back lot.

So I woke up nice and early, and plodded head first into a standstill nightmare that took me 45 minutes to commute no more that 10 miles. When I got there (on time at this point) I parked and looked in horror at a line that was so long it made those lines for the most super cool amusement rides look like a grocery checkout waiting time. I mean this line was so long, you’d think they were giving away free turkeys and laptops inside.

I didn’t get into the actual courthouse until about 45 minutes later.

At this point I was corralled with at least 100 other jurors into a huge room in the basement. The reason for it being there I assume at this point is to make sure your cell phone does not work as to cut you off from contact with the outside world. From there, a woman rehearsed a speech that would give any airline stewardess bounding joy at informing you about the emergency exists and inflatable life vests.

Seriously, this woman was so disgruntled she made DMV employees look gleeful by comparison. She didn’t allow questions and she didn’t have patience for people who didn’t know what the hell they were doing.

She did take one delight I noticed. She enjoyed informing us that there had been some amendments in what justified getting out of jury duty. Financial hardship, child dependency and medical illness no longer qualified to be excused. Pretty much all of the easiest ways to justify getting out of service no longer counted and no one wanted to hear it. Those excuses that still applied now no longer got you out, but just postponed it. She was actually smiling as she said it. Misery loves company I guess.

Discovering my inability to get out of Jury Duty (not that I had even been able to say anything to anyone yet) my only chance lied in avoiding jury selection or not qualifying depending on the sensitivity of the case.

Now remember, I mentioned there were 100 of us. There were only two court cases for the day which translated that we would be split into two groups where among 50 of us, only 12 would be selected giving me pretty much the best odds I could get to NOT get picked. Plus I wouldn’t get bumped around to different courtrooms where they would be looking to fill slots.

Roughly, I had less than a 24% chance to get picked.

I WAS THE SECOND ONE PICKED.

However, since the process took too long to get settled. The courtroom broke session for lunch instructing me to return tomorrow to see if I even qualify.

Life has some twisted humor sometimes.

Here were some notes I jotted down during my “stay” today:

Long lines!

Angry Disgruntled People EVERYWHERE

POPPYSEED MUFFINS = DELICIOUS!

Lawyers status = apparent success.

Human calculator in cafeteria confirms stereotype that Asians rock with numbers! GO SUDOKU!

Which is more sterile? Hospital or Courthouse?

If woman who just dropped an F-Bomb on her little toddler son is in my courtroom I’m going guilty no matter what.


On one side note, the angry Jury Supervisor lady did mention she’s heard a bajillion lame excuses and I intend to tap that resource.


I can’t wait to go back tomorrow!