It has come to my attention that something horribly tragic has been affecting our kids like that unstoppable plague in the movie Outbreak.
No my friends, its far worse than the combined total of all violence in video games, the expensive needless cross-merchandising of stupid toys and collectible cards in animated shows or the horrible breaking news cuts showing high-speed chases and violent shoot-outs in the middle of the after school kids block.
It’s the boobs. Something has to be done about all the boobs.
No not those, THESE boobs.
It seems my future wife, Katy Perry, was recently on an episode of Sesame Street. In it she played up a ruckus adventure with her pal Elmo in a rather well crafted version of the pop-star’s song “Hot n’ Cold,” of the same name.
It’s just a shame really because there is nothing wrong with this video in the first place. Honestly I was trying to stare and it was rare that I could even see her shape between laughing hysterically at Elmo laughing.
I’m immature, what can I say?
Besides, she got her revenge.
My point is, that if I can’t notice it, then it shouldn’t be an issue with parents. If you ask me, it’s these kind of parents that will cry out when they notice something in front of their eyes but could care less once the kids go off to school and the blinders come down.
I mean by their logic does that mean Dolly Parton should have been boycotted all those years ago during her work with the Muppet Show?
Or worse should The Brady Bunch never made it on the air? That Alice was a cutie.
Or should we go full throttle here and just eliminate breast feeding while we’re at it? I mean we don’t want to start these little warp-minded hellions off on the wrong foot now do we?
I guess if it was that big of an issue, they should have done a check before they wasted all that money on production value. Besides, attacking just one little moment won't change the entire contamination of what has spread all too fast to the next generation anyways. Unless this is exactly what they wanted from it all along… that viral publicity.
It makes you think.
Speaking of thinking, did you guys figure out my last clue from yester-blog?
If you guessed that it’s International Make-Pretend day, or IMP for serious followers, than you guessed right! I do intend to make a rocket ship / fort out of a huge box and party it up like it’s no tomorrow.
Or maybe I’m just moving.
BUT while moving isn’t quite as creative as IMP day, it does involve boxes and I have to say I’m quite ecstatic about getting the hell out of Dodge (SEE: parent’s thumb).
I got a nice two-bedroom place and am currently on the hunt scouring the penny saver and craigslist for some decent furniture.
I do have three things that I will not compromise on and acquire for my new place:
That's right, a human knife block (mine will be Silver Surfer Chrome), a foosball coffee table, and a globe cocktail bar like in Inglorious Bastards.
In honor of this joyous event, anyone reading this is cordially invited to my apartment warming event I call, “Party til it’s 10-10-10.”
In case you don't have access to a day-planner or can't right click that clock in the bottom right corner to access a calendar, it starts Saturday, October 9th, around 8pm. We’re going to bring in this historic triple digit deal is going to be like New Years but much more unique. Like Y2K.
The event will be BMS (Bring Me Stuff) to help deck out my new pad. Things you can bring me are food items (please no junk food or cranberry sauce), fancy bottle of alcohol, artwork, or anything else that you think I might need at my new place. I don’t ask that you go all out, but any little contribution would be grand. It’s the thought after all that counts.
Oh and EACH person has to contribute something, no free-loading off your guests present.
Punks.
See you all at the shindig. Email me at redheadcrusader@gmail.com if you want to come but I have no clue who you are. OR RSVP here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=112789938782854
Lastly, I really wish I had been creative enough to do this with my Jeep when I still had it.
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