Yuck.

I need to clear up the air here with a few key items. I haven’t won the lottery. Spiders have invaded my home.

The former I’m sure doesn’t surprise you. Someone the other day told me I have a better chance of getting struck by lightning. I asked them if my chances of singing Oingo Boingo’s Dead Man’s Party would further increase my chances, but they didn’t seem to understand my cleverness so the conversation rolled on.

But seriously, spiders. They’re EVERYWHERE. There’s so many that I think I have a nest somewhere in my room or outside in the hallway. Here’s my journal of spotted creepy crawlies.



Spider Log

I found my first spider today just hanging out on the wall above my bed as if showing off he knows where I sleep. That won’t do at all. I rescue him and deport him like an illegal Mexican.

His brother must not have liked the recent deportation because the next one was waiting for me right above the light switch panel early in the morning while it was still dark. I’m no proud to say I panicked and retreated back on my heels. Being naked and getting ready to take a shower I felt too vulnerable to offer him the same exile so I got a bunch of tissue and committed cold-blooded murder.

Where are these spiders coming from? The next one was chilling inside my laundry (specifically my undies) while sorting clothes for the laundry. The worst part? I couldn’t get at him at first because he kept burrowing deeper and deeper into my unmentionables. This resulted in me flinging each article of clothing through the air into the hall until I could locate the stowaway and kill him.

Spotted one on the wall above the TV in the living room. Boom goes the dynamite.

I see one high up on our loft ceilings. He knows he is safe up there as I can’t do anything to stop him. Who in the world decided it was smart to have such high, untouchable ceilings. Curses.

Ok I’m about to call it quits. While moving my travel bag I uncovered a spider just a little shy of the size of a roll of quarters. What the heck is going on? I’m not even thinking about touching this one. I run off and ask pops to kill it. He offers it mercy and I stand there trying to convince him that he doesn’t understand what I’ve done to his family and that’ll he back. Many sleepless nights to come.

Another spider in my hamper! I shriek and stomp down so hard I threaten to put a hole in the floor. I’m about to call a fumigator, put a tent up and kill anything still alive inside.

So far that’s about it, but those are just the ones I can catch. I don’t even want to imagine what’s going on with the ones that stay lurking in the shadows. The sad part is, the most sound night of sleeping
I had was this one when we camped in the backyard.

My mom says they’re coming in to escape the heat, but I say they’re just a bunch of bums who need to get jobs and not live in my house.

THE END?

P.S. While he’s not a creepy crawly, we did find this HUGE caterpillar eating one of our tomatoes. This thing is massive.



P.P.S.

The funniest most ridiculous thing to ever come from Nickelodeon. You should have moved on this when you had the chance. Cartoon Network is laughing all the way to the bank.