“I’m on a Boat!” –Andy Samberg

Those are the words I’ll hopefully have the distinguished pleasure of singing in roughly seven months.

I’ve been on everything else, planes, trains and automobiles but I’ve never taken a cruise. I’ve always wanted too, but they are expensive affairs and I’m not one to party alone so it’s been difficult to find someone with either the money, time or actual desire to want to take a spin on the high seas.

The cruise is a 4-day through the Caribbean. It leaves from Miami to the Turks before coming back. Pretty standard.

However, you guys know me and my flair for the unique and I’m excited to say that this time will be no different.

You see, there’s this band that goes by the name 311. Perhaps you’ve heard of them. They like to celebrate bi-yearly on March 11th, (hence the 3/11) and it usually draws huge crowds of dedicated fans.


However, 2011 is an off year for the tour so to do something truly special in honor of the entire month of March in the year 2011 they are doing a once-in-a-lifetime gig by partying for four days on a Carnival cruise liner and those lucky enough to get invited our partying with them.

Honestly, it almost feels like a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory kind of chance.

I’m pretty stoked.
I’m also pretty freaked out. The site’s registry the initial day of the pre-sale crashed. To complicate things further, after we registered the following day, some of the cabins were already booked. People who know people always get further ahead in life it seems.
Furthermore, we registered exactly 6 seconds after the presale began and our confirmation date is almost an entire day behind people. Today people are already booking their rooms and we have wait for our “invited” time slot tomorrow at 12pm. It makes me want to punch someone in the face.
Either way, I know I’ll get on the cruise, it’s just a matter of how much it’s going to cost. If it ends up costing too much, then we’ll have to road trip out to save on airline costs. I’m actually for this to begin with because I’ve always wanted to take a road trip across the continental US and being on the only freeway that’s transcontinental should make the trip a breeze.

There’s really only one flaw in the trip and that’s me. I’ve never been one to complain a lot about the way I look. I’m not in Daniel Craig/Taylor Lautner shape, but I’m fit enough to run around and glisten (AKA sweat) more than others. But for this trip, I’d really like to be able to take my shirt off and be completely comfortable around other people. I’ve already got issues with the sun so if I could really use the boost in confidence of being toned up a bit.

What I'm trying to look like. Minus the tan and guido hair.

I figure I have seven months which should be more than enough time. I’m not looking to get into crazy shape so I just have to set some of the following ground rules and stick to them in an operation I call FATTITUDE.

OPERATION FATTITUDE:

1. No more Sodas or anything consisting of a high sugar/carb intake. That means Gatorades have to go too. (Technically they’re really bad for you and I just heard vitamin water is getting forced to renounce it’s title as a water.)


2. No more fast food. This processed food will be the death of us all. Plus there are cheap quick fixings to be had in the local grocery stores. FYI Subway is just as bad if you don't eat it correctly. Like a $5 footlong is really what our bodies need. I do need some downtime so that I don't end up just giving up so I'm going to allow myself to "cheat" and have In-N-Out once a week. (We all have our vices)

3. No more drinking alcohol. I know what you’re thinking. It’s me. It can’t be done. But I crunched some numbers and this one’s a killer to my plans and if it’s between giving this or dairy products up, well I mean come on, I’m not stupid. I will miss the Beir Academy though as just when I find something great I have to let it go. I’m still going to allow myself to partake in hard liquor on hallowed events like Thanksweenie, Insanity and my birthday. It’ll be a hoot to see if I revert back to a lightweight.

4. I need to work out at least 3 times a week. This will be just as hard as no booze because I lack the time and effort to want to go. But if I’m going to pay almost $1,000 smackaroos to do this, then it’s time to get serious.
I’ve been looking for motivation for the last two or three years so now’s the moment of opportunity.


It’s fat dying time.

Wish me luck, more on this and more as it happens.
Ciao.

Oh, one last thing. I’ve been listening to this band called Iron and Wine a lot thanks to their introduction by Mike and Jess. They really rock. The video has nothing to do with the music, but it was the best quality I could find. Still, the video is a trip in and of itself.