I figure that if everything stayed in the city of sin, people would fall for the old girls tricks time and time again. So, after recently staying at the Palazzo, I decided to share my thoughts and lessons learned to make the most of your trip. Some are cheeky, but some are just super importante!
Before you leave, have your logistics planned. Nothing is more important than making sure you are ready for a trip to Las Vegas. What does that mean exactly? It means if you want to leave by 11 or 12, make sure you’re packed, groomed, and that your car is gassed up. Also if you have a large group, figure out who’s in what car beforehand or you waste a lot of time on seating arrangements. The most important thing? Get all the cash you need before you leave. Don’t suffer by paying a $6.00 service fee (that’s not even what your bank will charge you) when you get there.
This way you’ll have all you need and you won’t have to speed.
Pre-game, Pre-game, Pre-game. The easiest way to save money and have fun in Vegas is pre-gaming. Let’s face it, unless you plan on doing a lot of gambling or you are ridiculously hot, you’re not going to get enough free drinks fast enough to feel a buzz. Pre-gaming it saves you all those necessary drinks plus gets you going before you leave the hotel to make even a boring old taxi ride an adventure. (Just make sure the driver isn’t trying to take advantage of you and take you the LONG way.) Am I saying don’t buy drinks? No, of course not. What Vegas trip isn’t complete without a Martar or two. Just don’t dent your wallet harder than you have to.
P.S. Don’t feel stingy about bringing alcohol into your rooms. Sure it looks tacky, but it’s not against the rules.
If you’re going to walk the Strip, don’t do it in vain. Remember, the Vegas Mile is a long walk. I can’t tell you how many lady friends have made the mistake of walking it in high heels so they can show off what their momma’s gave em. Each time, the story ends the same; lots of bleeding and barefoot walking down the dirtiest, smut-covered street in existence.
Don’t let hepatitis become your friend.
Let’s make love in this club. Pay attention as you walk the strip for people offering discounted prices into clubs. For guys, that’s a godsend as it usually ends up costing us our left index finger to get in unless you’re a Cardashian. Also, if you have ladies, separate from them and let them go ahead of you. Sure it sucks for you, but the ladies will usually get in for free and right away if the bouncer thinks they are alone. Otherwise you might have to pay for them as well as yourself. Plus, by the time you catch up to them, a few guys will probably by them drinks. Just be careful around Alaskan marines with flaming tattoos, sometimes the ladies have a hard time pulling themselves away.
Besides, you didn’t really want to dance anyhow now did you?
Lastly, make sure your driver is ready to make the trip home. For whatever reason the trip home is full of braking and irritation, so make sure whoever is driving is either well rested or well supplied with a bunch of Red Bulls. That or fly.
Some quick acceptable rules:
If you’re drunk, it’s acceptable to drop food on the floor and play it off like you meant too.
It’s ok to try to fit entire fists into your mouth.
If you get a yard margarita, you must get it out of a guitar and call it a MARTAR.
If people are dragging and it’s after 3 pm, it is acceptable top open the hotel curtains.
If there’s wind, chances are the pool will be closed. Somehow they are interconnected Captain Planet style.
Remember, the magic number in Vegas is 5. Taxis don’t allow more.
Finally, no matter what, if you walk passed Bills Gambling Hall you must buy dollar margaritas.
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