Boondock Saints 2

I finally got the chance to see Boondock Saints 2 recently in Hollywood. I had already heard so much from friends on whether it was bad or good that it was hard to keep an open mind and blank slate going into it.

There were a lot of things that BS2 had to go up against:

1. BS is easily one of the best cult movies of all time.
2. I was seeing BS2 on a screen not much bigger than one at home.
3. Theaters still do not carry Red Vines and being in a rush to get to the theater, I forgot to grab some.

Bias aside, I promised myself I would be fair. The verdict? It still sucked.

The main thing that the second movie lacked was continuity. In the span between the films, Agent Smecker has died, the boys have hung up their killing crosses and gone into hiding while Boston’s finest just gets more retarded.

Some stuff goes down requiring them to come back to Boston where a fresh crop of wannabe mobsters is in need of a good Irish harvesting.

I don’t want to give away the rest of the movie, but instead just kind of point out some flaws and highlights.

Flaws:

1. Replacing Rocco’s character with a Mexican lookalike was bland. The character shows this amazing ability to kick ass and then becomes comic relief for the rest of the movie.
2. Smecker’s replacement was coy and convenient, but the “sexy” shots and her apparent awareness of the camera were distracting. What the hell was with the cowgirl scene?
3. The ending wasn’t very climaxing and a movie SHOULD NEVER END setting up another film unless it’s a structured trilogy like Back to the Future or Lord of the Rings. Take lessons from Indiana Jones and Pirates of the Caribbean that if a movie can’t stand in its own right it will flop on its face.
4. Don’t use your movie to express your social and political beliefs. I know BS Prime got a lot of flack for coming out around Columbine getting itself blacklisted, but when you break the flow of a movie to interject your own personal thoughts on life it really just mucks things up. Save that for your twitter or your blog.
5. If you are going to use slow-motion or take out sound-effects, don’t do it for more than a minute or you lose the viewer’s attention. We like shiny loud things remember?

Highlights:

1. The acting talent of some of the lesser actors has improved greatly. It was a lot of fun seeing them flourish in their own right.
2. Getting the Duke’s background story was a fun treat. It helped tie in the original film rather well.
3. The film was just as funny as the predecessor.
4. As usual, great soundtrack. The music still captures the film’s tone great.
5. Accent’s are sexy.


As you can see, I struggled to give the same amount of positive as negative. It’s just that, for a sequel, you need to take the strengths of your first movie and shift it into the next gear. BS 2 didn’t do that. Instead, it took all the strengths of the first movie, and copied them resulting in a cheaper lackluster step-child of a movie that really just gives you a deeper nostalgia for the first film.

Who knows, maybe the third one will have the same effect for the second one. Until then, BS 2 was exactly that, BS.

Forces out of my control.

There’s nothing better than getting woken up by a slap to the foot by your dad at 6 am telling you to stop being a digital pirate. ARRRRGH! But it’s what I am!
So I’m sorry Interwebs, but if you are going to keep trying to get me in trouble with people for taking things from you, I’m just going to stop sharing all together.

Really I think it’s stupid because the thing that “nailed” me was How I Met Your Mother. I wanted to watch the episode on my TV and not stream it for free of the computer so I downloaded the data file instead. It makes me laugh that CBS is going to bully my internet provider into slapping me on the wrist when people watch it for free whenever they want off the CBS website, their DVRs or the burned copies they make of the episode. Seems a bit hypocritical to me.

Whatevs, all it forces me to do is turn off the “upload” switch to my sharing network. For those of you who aren’t in the know, the dated copyright laws of 1977 state that you can’t reproduce or distribute something that has been copyrighted. That doesn’t mean you can’t take for yourself.

All those ads and campaigns about how downloading movies and songs is illegal? Well it’s not. The Internet is public domain and free access. If you stumble across something, it’s yours to keep. The catch is if you give it back out to someone else. Then you’re in trouble.

Remember all those kids being busted for having thousands of songs from Napster? They weren’t in trouble for possessing or downloading them, they were in trouble because they got caught giving (or uploading) them back to the community.
The best way to protect yourself from uploading is turning it off completely so you can’t get caught. When you do this you can’t share the files you yourself wanted and it kind of debunks the whole point of a network. Some services don’t even let you take unless you give.

As a back up, I use Peer Guardian. It daily checks for spy IPs (that’s the digital address for a computer) from big bad mean companies who want to bust your balls and bans them from handshaking with your computer to discover what you’re up to. If you do intend to download, Peer Guardian is a must.

You’d be surprised what other websites PG will block because the website solicits your address and gives it to these same companies as a way of telling marketers where you’ve been and where you’re going.

In reality if my internet provider doesn’t want to grow a backbone and be grateful for the money I dump into using their spotty at best service, I’ll go somewhere else. Do you hear that Time Warner? Well do ya?

In the meantime, I’m going to go get me an eye patch and a parrot to put on my shoulder.

Sex Tapes and Somali Pirates

I know what you’re thinking, what do those two things have in common? The sad fact is that it seems both happen more frequently then they should and yet society just turns a cheek and play dumb to them happening.

Sex Tapes:

Everyone and their mother has a sex tape these days. In fact, it happens so frequently nowadays it’s almost as if it’s a birthday party with celebrities chosen at random to take a whack at the Sex Tape piñata.

When did sex tapes go from scandal to notoriety? While writing this and watching Bruno, a joke was even made about the only way to get famous in this day and age was to put a tape of your naughty bits out for the world to see. It’s running rampant right now with Ms. Universe buddies and now Carmen Electra. I mean she’s a respectable woman, those Scary Movie films are a chance for her to show her love of film, not debauchery right?

I guess to me personally, it just seems like a stupid idea for a girl or a guy who might already be famous to ever let someone capture them in their… prime? I mean come on. To me it’s like a fat kid with diabetes asking for the cinnamon funnel cake special from ihop and not expecting any kind of consequence.


Somali Pirates:

While this is a much more serious tone, I’m really confused here on how it is that pirates even still exist. Especially if they all keep coming from the same place.
There have been 109 reported attacks in 2009 alone with 70% of them being off the coast of Somalia. You’d think by now that since most of the are is a vital shipping lane for the world commerce, that the WORLD would just say, “Enough Somalia, we’re tired of your shenanigans.” If we can embargo Cuba, why not Somalia.

It just seems retarded that with technology nowadays that can spy on your location from orbit and devices that can track a signal all over the planet that we can’t develop a monitoring system or fast response action plan to keep these Johnny Depp wannabes from hurting people and impeding commerce. What's even better is that Navy Officials try to talk down ships and their crews from heavily arming themselves as a deterrent due to possible threat to other nations when they make it to port. If they make it.

Maybe, big corporations like to pay $35 million ransoms to look good for the “humanized” side of their business.

The sad thing is, these pirates wouldn’t even have to risk their lives and kidnap people to make money if they just put out a sex tape...

I’m just saying.

50/50

So I’m sitting here, and I’m kind of torn about how I should be feeling. On one part, I’m really, REALLY angry with my job. It should show by the way I had to repeat that word right?

You see, my company is dying and its parents are those kinds of people that are too stupid to just pull the plug hoping that someone they care for will come out of brain-dead coma that they’ve been in for the last two years. So what do they do instead? They keep dumping loads of money frivolously hoping for a second chance.

I have news for you Hollywood Video: It isn’t going to happen. Why? Because you were too busy thinking of the next color scheme for your big sale promotion that you missed the technology bandwagon and now can only hope to play a fruitless catch up game.

Both Hollywood and Blockbuster have done this song and dance, time and time again.
Online service, kiosks, it’s already been done. If you actually wanted to save your company think of something innovative, not imitative.

To be frank, I doubt there is little that can be done to save rental stores, and it’s really the consumer’s fault. Everyone has been so intent on saving money with their spending that driving all this business towards websites like eBay and Amazon have crushed local sellers.

What will end up sucking for everyone is that I foresee a time in the not so distant future where Redbox will be in legal trouble and Netflix will eventually raise prices and/or start charging money for all the free streaming. When this happens people will be in an uproar only to turn back to their local video store only to find them a vacant building instead.

Plus let’s not forget all the people who aren’t technically savy who will be completely cut off. It’s a messy business, these Interwebs.

All I can ask is why don’t rental chains just charge lower price on their products to be more completive? Clearly the overhead isn’t helping them any right now by current standards. Attract more business and get over your pride.

Because right now, you have a staff of employees who have busted their humps like you’ve asked and now you’ve cut our hours, made us work by ourselves with no potty breaks and we’re becoming very very disgruntled.

All in all, I really need to find a new and more importantly REAL job.

In other news, I’m pumped for another FIVE-A-THON. Recently, we began going down to our local theater to watch not one, not two, not even three but four films. Our first set was, Law Abiding Citizen, The Invention of Lying, Surrogates, and Black Dynamite. All of them were great, especially Black Dynamite. It’s an instant cult hit.

This week, we’ve got The Men Who Stare at Goats, Where the Wild Things Are, The Box, Pirate Radio, and Fourth Kind. I’m pretty stoked. It's going to be a record. This time I won't be secret-agent paranoid because I've finally come to terms that the people getting paid minimum-wage there could care less.

Speaking of Stoked, can we talk about Katy Perry? She was caught rocking some outlandish outfits at the European Music Awards and while I’m still thankful to Russel Brand for shaking her out of her dark chocolate desires, I’m still a bit peeved that I didn’t receive a call to go hang out some time.

If she ever falls for Seth Rogen, I’ll slit my wrists.

Now that the Monopoly game is over (all I won was more food, yay!) I’ve started a blood pact of late to not eat fast food. Not for dietary reasons, but to give mom and pop shops a fighting chance to stay in business. Sure they can’t make a taco, burger, or sandwich faster than their rivals, but damn it if I won’t do my part to keep some businesses around. Besides, who actually even knows what they put in one of those Big Macs. Besides, the only time it’s appropriate to eat McDonalds is when the Monopoly game is going on or the McRib is back. Take your pick.

On the game front, Call of Duty 42 came out, but I’m still sinking my teeth into Borderlands. Plus there is Dragon Age and so many others to test drive….

…which brings me to my sadder bit of news. I’ve taken a bet with my friend that I can write a novel length book, (at least 80,000 words) by the end of the year. To do this means I have to cut somewhere and that will probably mean my video games and social internet time get the axe.

It’ll be great because I’m one of those creatures of habit that rarely finish a story I start, leaving me with numerous amounts of stories that have never ended just sitting in my files marked as “Work in Progress” and collecting e-dust. It’ll feel good to finish one, regardless of the turnout.

Since I’m an addict for things I like, I’ll probably have to box it up and stick to my internet for business time. No, not THAT business.

So like I said, it’s a bad, good, bad, good time.

As usual, go check out http://www.whatalameexcuse.com . Or else.

Lazy is as lazy does

On a particularly funny note, after writing my lottery blog, not only did I hit my first homerun over the fence in my big boy softball league, I also won my last McDonalds piece in the Monopoly game. (FRUIT PARFAIT BABY!)

However, my luck ended right then and there, as later that night I did go and get a lottery piece. I bought a Seal scratcher and while singing Kissed by a Rose, I got diddly squat.



It was good while it lasted.

So is it just me, or when companies say they are going “green” do you see it as them just cutting costs and not actually caring about the environment?

Recently my company informed us that they were going “green” by switching us all to paperless paychecks aka Direct Deposit. I don’t really have any problem with this minus the issue of not having a stub easily viewable. However, it seems like too many companies hide behind this projection that they are doing their part saving their environment.

Hotel companies ask you to not have your linen changed, don’t open unnecessary bottles or commodities. And yet they’ll leave daily brochures and advertisements as well as parking tickets, and other what nots.

Retail companies reduce waste by 33% of their products and yet they do not offer recycle bins in their establishments to eliminate unnecessary waste all together.

It’s these kind of short sightings that anger me when companies are trying to put up the visage of actually caring for the planet. It’s all a lie. They aren’t planeteers, they don’t care. They’re just lazy schmucks trying pinch the pennies to maximize their profits.

The funny thing? I wouldn’t care if they maintained the same practices, but just told us whey they were doing it. Quotes like, “We’re cheapskates and want to hold onto those extra few pennies so we can dive into a pool of coins Ducktales style!”

I might even throw in a tip for something like that.

To round out the week, I eventually ended up getting out of Jury Duty. I just had to wait to be interviewed, letting the court here about how I believed I had been mistreated by the justice system. The judge even admitted that in all his years, he had never heard of such actions being leveraged against anyone.

The case would have been boring to sit in on. Some Black Belt beat the snot out of a guy that was sleeping with his girlfriend. Whoopty doo. At least I got paid $15 and some odd cents to spend two hours there this time around.

It just bugged me because not only did it interrupt my whole week, but in my honest opinion, it seems to undermine a lot about America. You know who just be sitting on these juries right now? Anyone and everyone that is collecting an unemployment check. I mean come on! We are already paying them to sit on their asses, instead of paying people measly compensation for interrupting their jobs, why not drag these lazy ass people in and put them to work. It’s what they’re looking for anyways right?

For a long time I’ve felt that we coddle the unemployed too much. Sure, I’ve never been on it myself, but it still makes me angry that people think they are entitled to it without giving anything back. Require unemployment to equal one weekend of the month doing charity work, or beautification. LET’S AT LEAST BETTER SOCIETY.

On a parting note, Borderlands is AMAZING and in a lot of ways, is one of the best games of the year. Combine Diablo and Counter-Strike and then throw it in a Mad Max environment. I think you get where I’m coming from here.

Hulk Angry

I wish I could say I was in a good mood, but the best I can settle for is sobering.

Last night a good friend of mine was involved in a motorcycle accident. He was drunk and he rode home. He lost two of his toes because of it as well as countless other damages to his body. Still, he’s lucky to be alive.

The infuriating thing about all of it is that it should have been completely prevented. I was with him not an hour before the accident. I recognized he was too drunk. I asked his closer friends to take him home. When they laughed it off and left without him, I stayed, taking his keys and his cell phone trying to call someone in his family who could come pick him up. After an hour, I finally reached his sister who came and grabbed him.

That should have been the end of the story. He should have gone home, woken up late for work the next morning with a hangover and laughed about it later in the day.

But, no. He waited until I left, jumped out of his sister’s moving car and ran back for his bike. The rest of the story you know. Now he’s in the ICU.

People ask me if I’m OK. I am not OK, I am mad. I am disappointed. I am dumbfounded that after taking all the right precautions something like this happened. Truth be told, I just don’t know what to say….

Stay tuned for a more witty and insightful blog later. I’m spent for now.

I Should Have Bet on the Lottery.

Did you ever get one of those days where everything you didn’t want to happen, happened? I call it the reverse-lottery effect.

Technically it didn’t really start today, but rather a few weeks ago when I received a summons in the mail for: JURY DUTY.

At the mere mention or sight of those words, an almost involuntary need for profanity rises from the depths of my vocal box.

To make matters worse, I noticed that the location I was to report to wasn’t the courthouse two miles away, but one that would require me to commute to and sit through agonizing traffic.
The only courthouse I’m ever willing to commute to is the fake one that was used in Back to the Future on the Universal Studios back lot.

So I woke up nice and early, and plodded head first into a standstill nightmare that took me 45 minutes to commute no more that 10 miles. When I got there (on time at this point) I parked and looked in horror at a line that was so long it made those lines for the most super cool amusement rides look like a grocery checkout waiting time. I mean this line was so long, you’d think they were giving away free turkeys and laptops inside.

I didn’t get into the actual courthouse until about 45 minutes later.

At this point I was corralled with at least 100 other jurors into a huge room in the basement. The reason for it being there I assume at this point is to make sure your cell phone does not work as to cut you off from contact with the outside world. From there, a woman rehearsed a speech that would give any airline stewardess bounding joy at informing you about the emergency exists and inflatable life vests.

Seriously, this woman was so disgruntled she made DMV employees look gleeful by comparison. She didn’t allow questions and she didn’t have patience for people who didn’t know what the hell they were doing.

She did take one delight I noticed. She enjoyed informing us that there had been some amendments in what justified getting out of jury duty. Financial hardship, child dependency and medical illness no longer qualified to be excused. Pretty much all of the easiest ways to justify getting out of service no longer counted and no one wanted to hear it. Those excuses that still applied now no longer got you out, but just postponed it. She was actually smiling as she said it. Misery loves company I guess.

Discovering my inability to get out of Jury Duty (not that I had even been able to say anything to anyone yet) my only chance lied in avoiding jury selection or not qualifying depending on the sensitivity of the case.

Now remember, I mentioned there were 100 of us. There were only two court cases for the day which translated that we would be split into two groups where among 50 of us, only 12 would be selected giving me pretty much the best odds I could get to NOT get picked. Plus I wouldn’t get bumped around to different courtrooms where they would be looking to fill slots.

Roughly, I had less than a 24% chance to get picked.

I WAS THE SECOND ONE PICKED.

However, since the process took too long to get settled. The courtroom broke session for lunch instructing me to return tomorrow to see if I even qualify.

Life has some twisted humor sometimes.

Here were some notes I jotted down during my “stay” today:

Long lines!

Angry Disgruntled People EVERYWHERE

POPPYSEED MUFFINS = DELICIOUS!

Lawyers status = apparent success.

Human calculator in cafeteria confirms stereotype that Asians rock with numbers! GO SUDOKU!

Which is more sterile? Hospital or Courthouse?

If woman who just dropped an F-Bomb on her little toddler son is in my courtroom I’m going guilty no matter what.


On one side note, the angry Jury Supervisor lady did mention she’s heard a bajillion lame excuses and I intend to tap that resource.


I can’t wait to go back tomorrow!