Halo Day Part 2

I apologize about the delays, the holidays make blogging pretty much impossible.
As mentioned from yesterweek's blog, this is a continuation of the events that unfolded December 16th, 2009 forever now known as Halo Day.

Also as this is the last day of the year I wish everyone a Happy New Year. Remember, it's TWENTY-TEN. Don't mess that up.


Halo 2

December 16th, 2:29 p.m.

We are angry. We had realized the need for food earlier and had told ourselves as we got close to the end of the first Halo we would have the foresight to order pizza to be strategically delivered during our break between games. When fighting the Flood agendas and day planners are the first causalities.

December 16th, 2:31 p.m.

We have ordered Papa Johns. There was a Thursday special. This lifts are spirits as we crack into Halo 2. While the game was setting up, I discover a friend’s old clan name for the original Xbox Live. I need to confront him on this “Team SuckaNut” later. Didn’t realize he was into dudes.

I’m immediately disappointed because while playing the game in its co-op mode, you miss the first two opening cut scenes. Regardless, we are instantly mesmerized by the upgraded graphics. Brice still hasn’t caught on that Sergeant Johnson not only survived his murderous betrayal, but he also escaped the first Halo’s destruction. It’s like he isn’t even paying attention.

Rookie.

December 16th, 2:42 p.m.

I try and update Brice on the things to remember as far as differences go in Halo 2. I tell him he can carry TWO guns at one time to which he replies, “So do I have a third arm to throw grenades? I didn’t think so.” Smart ass.

December 16th, 2:44 p.m.

The first death goes to Brice. Ironically, it was friendly fire from an AI trooper voiced by David Cross. I always told him one day the Jews would get him.

December 16th, 2:57 p.m.

Brice starts complaining about the lack of the original pistol from the first Halo. He tells me it’s a “game changer,” and that he’d be kicking even more ass if Bungie hadn’t screwed it up. He instantly stops complaining when he discovers a shotgun and is thankful for its introduction in the first level. Out of consequence he becomes skeptical about whether or not the Flood will show up saying, “They left that gun because they’re HERE.”

December 16th, 3:03 p.m.

We have completed the first level of Halo 2. Brice strategized with a plan while facing the wrong door of the elevator. I took his mistake to slip out and kill everything while he complained about not being able to get in the room. By the time he turned around, it was all over.

During the cut scene, we noticed how much of a beefcake the Master Chief really is.

December 16th 3:13 p.m.

We have started the next level. Brice is standing conveniently in front of two doors that are about to explode outward with Hunters. I refrain from telling him because…. PIZZA IS HERE! The war for humanity is put on pause.

December 16th 3:27 p.m.

After gorging ourselves on celebratory pizza, we continue the fight. Even I have forgotten all about the Hunters…. Whoops.

December 16th 3:33 p.m.

I really want to take some of the shortcuts across the roofs of the buildings to shave down on time, but by the same token, I want Brice to “soak it in,” by soak I mean absorb all the bullets he’s taking from Covenant plasma rifles and perishing. War isn’t pretty.

December 16th 3:35 p.m.

Brice just traded his gimpy plasma pistol for a rocket launcher to some poor marine covering our six. Because you know, that’s fair. If Halo was real, I would never want to fight with this selfish bastard. I’ll say a prayer for the Marine later.

December 16th 3:45 p.m.

Brice bobs when he should have weaved landing himself in the middle of a gangbang of elites. I had a sniper and could have saved him, but sometimes life’s lessons are only learned through a respawn.

December 16th 3:52 p.m.

Brice has abandoned me and my warthog for a ghost as if I was some no-named dime store hooker. His excuse? “Dude, this thing has BOOSTY.”

Bitch.

December 16th, 4:12 p.m.

Brice learns the hard way that tanks in Halo 2 have a severe speed reduction. It’s like the tortoise and the hare as I blaze the way with my rocket warthog team. I can tell Brice is trying to take potshots at me with his cannon, but missing saying that he’s providing “covering fire.”

December 16th, 4:13 p.m.

I now discover why they give you a TANK at the beginning of the level. Waiting for Brice to catch up and looking the wrong way, two banshees, two ghosts and two Wraiths blitzkrieg me, killing my rocketeer instantly and eventually blowing my warthog to kingdom come. I survive, running around doing an intricate dance to not get blown up by the dual tanks. I could swear Brice stops to savor the moment. He finally struts in cleaning shop.

December 16th, 4:14 p.m.

Apparently Brice doesn’t like to remember the lessons he learns as he hands me my first death of the game yet again. With no vehicle, I decide to go tank surfing to hitch a ride. All was fine and dandy until we encounter three lonely grunts, I picked them off with my battle Rifle as Brice spun up his machine gun. He laced into me for several seconds before finally firing off the main cannon and blowing me up. I looked at him and he blankly stared back asking, “What? Did I do that?” He proceeds to tell me that I should have been ready for the consequences of surfing on his tank saying “no one rides for free.”

December 16th, 4:23 p.m.

Brice sees a ghost and ditches the strongest weapon in the game so he can go fast. I think he’s been watching too much Top Gun and Top Gun on the Ground (aka Days of Thunder). Brice is still caught up on doing Star Fox “boosty tricks” while me and some Marines fight the good fight. As I finish the level, he gets angry with me stating, “I was about to land that.” I question whether his heart is in it to finish this fight.

December 16th, 4:31 p.m.

We finally take down the Scarab only to see Brice die three times within three seconds in the last precious seconds the exact same way. He went to go give a tap-tap to a grunt when he got sworded from the side. As I backtracked, he got spawned back in… right in front of the same elite with the same result. Peeved he threw the controller down only to come back and let the Elite get sloppy thirds. Brice translates the event as something similar to what Hungarian sex slave’s experience. I don’t follow.

December 16th, 4:42 p.m.

We had to take a slight intermission to pick up Taylor. Neither of us was happy to take a break as we just see the internal clock in our heads wind down. When we get back, it’s straight to business.

December 16th, 4:55 p.m.

We’ve started the Arbiter levels. While the cloaking is a fun little tool, Brice and I decided to leave the cloak and dagger stuff to the pansies and go “balls deep.” We alleviate our recent frustrations by swording many, many grunts.

December 16th, 4:59 p.m.

I’ve come to realize that Brice has a serious medical condition in toggling switches and going through doors. Just like in the first level of the game, he is stuck waiting for an elevator while I fight for my life on the floor below. Personally, I think he’s playing aloof and seeing if I can survive… yet again. Only after I clear the room, does the elevator come back up for him. Convenient.

December 16th, 5:13 p.m.

Brice and I get our first encounter with the Flood. Seeing how we just came off a losing battle with them in the first game, we are both dreading this like the scheduling our first prostate exam. As we fight, I notice Brice begins complaining a lot more than usual. I just hope we can barrel through this and move on because Brice tends to bitch in a high pitched voice that doesn’t let me concentrate.

December 16th, 5:17 p.m.

We finally get to fly the new Banshees. The first few minutes, we don’t even bother fighting instead doing “flips and shit.” For the rest of each game it should be pointed out that we hummed Kenny Loggins "Highway to the Danger Zone," sometimes only in our heads. Finally, realizing we have to get back to business, we go bust some chops.

December 16th, 5:21 p.m.

Probably my favorite death of Brice’s the entire game. After cutting all the cords holding the floating station away, the structure begins to free fall. Unfortunately for Brice, he is caught jumping at this precise moment and can’t catch up with the similar falling station resulting in a player death that leaves him dumbfounded and me cracking up. Sorry B.

December 16th, 5:25 p.m.

Taylor has become antsy being unable to participate in the bloodfest kill-a-thon (NOTE: consult Webster’s to have this awesome word added to their pages). To appease him, we take a break to play Kung Fu Chaos on his original Xbox. I can’t tell you how much fun this game is and is right up there with Pac-Man and Galaga. I took extra joy in knowing that Brice became visibly frustrated at the fact that Taylor was legitimately whooping his butt due to him not knowing the control scheme.

December 16th, 5:37 p.m.

Taylor has found some shiny object or a jawbreaker or something to distract him. We storm the gates of the next level, Delta Halo. The mission starts non-chalantly as we ride a burning trail of fire and destruction to the ground to whoop on some grunts. Brice is going toe to toe while I snipe from a far.

December 16th, 5:42 p.m.

Once again Brice shows his disregard for the fellow man after he takes the very rocket launcher I give to our passenger in “shotgun.” I stop the Warthog and look at him until he realizes the error of his ways. I took joy in hearing the ODST unit tell Brice he was going to do a lot more damage with it in his hands. Well done computer.

December 16th, 5:45 p.m.

Apparently, the when circling a structure being bombarded by Wraith tanks, it is a wise idea to remember that just because they can’t hit you, doesn’t mean you can’t race around back into the original blast. Instead of dying via tank round, I drive us off a cliff. I stand by my decision.

December 16th, 5:48 p.m.

Dumbfounded at my recent choice, Brice proceeds to chastise me about “stepping it up.” The ensuing ribbing stalls us at the respawn in time for the same Wraith tank to triangulate on us and open up. I try to swerve around it, but it hits close enough to carry my momentum back off a different cliff. Strike two.

December 16th, 5:52 p.m.

Brice and I are ducking behind the wreckage of the warthog after our OWN pelican dropped a weapon pod directly on it. It looks like in the future, they still haven’t solved that friendly fire problem that wars seem to carry.

December 16th, 5:58 p.m.

After wrecking shop, I discover that while I can board ghosts, destroy entire planets and pretty much kick anything’s ass, I’m a little clumsy when it comes to small gaps. Assuming I could just walk through it, I plummet to my death alerting Brice that he does indeed need to “jump.” Luckily I spawn in time, to pick up a sniper rifle and pick off the four Elite Honor Guard that run a gang rape on Brice as he tried to lead the way.

December 16th 6:03 p.m.

We dispatch some hunters and end up on a hovering tram kind of thing. Brice takes notice of this boat of the future and we begin singing “I’m on a boat,” for the remainder of the level. That tune is catchy.

December 16th, 6:05 p.m.

In the middle of our joyous maritime jubilee, I pick up a rocket launcher and rediscover the Halo 2 Lock-on ability. After firing off a few rockets prematurely, I begin to play with my prey letting them know that all the Star Fox maneuvers in the world can’t save them. I’m glad they took this out by the next game. It was almost too easy.

December 16th, 6:15 p.m.

We get aboard the underwater Wonkavator. I’m tempted to hum “We all live in a Yellow Submarine,” but Brice turns on his flashlight and reloads his shotgun and I decide to pass.

December 16th, 6:25 p.m.

We enter the prophet’s chambers to wear Brice gets a blast of Prophet attack in the face. Not yet dead, I cowboy up and proceed to go roper doper on his face deliver the “bunches of punches” technique. Brice’s final words for the level are the following, “Dude, you just punched him in his god damn throat.”

December 16th, 6:26 p.m.

Brice gets furious over seeing the Master Chief jump into the water stating that he has tried to swim numerous times so far and it’s a failure every time. I note that he’s not really swimming as he is more sinking with style. This doesn’t console him. I think he just misses his beach from the original Halo.

December 16th, 6:31 p.m.

Brice and I come to a very scary moment of clarity. We are now fighting flood, killer super-sized sentinels and we don’t have any shotguns. We’re not amused. I think I actually heard Brice whimper.

December 16th, 6:39 p.m.

Maybe it’s the panic the Flood stirs, or maybe it’s Brice not being use to playing as the Arbiter, but he forgets to use his cloak. A LOT. I barrel through, sneaking past places I don’t want to be while he’s left behind. We could really use Halo’s teleporter check point system to let him keep up. He’s fighting a losing battle and I’m breezing through it.

December 16th, 6:45 p.m.

Rule #3 about the Flood is the following: If you MUST engage the Flood go for the one with the most powerful weapon first. i.e. don’t kill the plasma pistol Flood if the one next to him has a shotgun. The results vary in ways of suckiness.
This is to be followed in conjunction with previous #1 and 2 rules being, Don’t fight them at all just run, and Never go fisticuffs with a Carrier form, respectively.

December 16th, 6:51 p.m.

After fighting an insane amount of Flood on an elevator (THIS IS OUR HOUSE!) we finally move on into the labyrinth below. The sheer size of the level is lost on most people because they are too busy fighting to stay alive.
I find myself experiencing vertigo while flying through all the twisty pipes. Brice dies when he can’t figure out how to open a steam piston to drop down and takes a few infection forms up the derriere.

December 16th, 7:00 p.m.

We are still trying to retrieve this damn Icon/Index and the most infuriating part is we are on another hover boat (we are not singing this time as the Flood are serious business) and I’m starting to physically track our progress. We can barrel rush through Halo 3 in about 5 hours, but as it stands, we are running out of time. As it is we are going to go way into the wee morning.

On a side note, I somehow sworded through the floor of the hover boat. WTF. I had a shotgun!

Brice asks if we are almost done with this game. I lie and tell him everything will be OK. He eyes me suspiciously until the cat is out of the bag and they announce we are trying to get to the Library. “Mother fucker” aren’t exactly what Brice’s eyes convene, but it will do.

December 16th 7:30 p.m.

The last 30 minutes were filled with more swearing than a sailor on a Sunday. I’m just going to move on. I will say this though, maybe it’s because I have watched too much Star Trek, but in what world does a ship’s captain go down on dangerous missions and leave her ship unattended? I mean it’s not like In Amber Clad will get infected and taken over or anything…

December 16th, 7:33 p.m.

Brice agrees that Halo has suddenly just become a clone of Little Shop of Horrors, minus Rick Moranis of course. I mean come on Bungie, you really had no clue? We watch as the Master Chief and Arbiter become BFFs.

December 16th, 7:43 p.m.

While fighting Ghost/Wraith/Scorpion infected tanks I want to point out a very special note to Brice. It is very difficult to only just kill the driver. Brice keeps getting angry with me saying “Dude I was about to jack that,” and mad that he has to huff it on foot for parts of the level. Next time don’t lose your Ghost going boosty at the beginning of the level.

December 16th, 7:56 p.m.

I have to give a lot of credit and a lot of deaths to Brice. Taylor had become antsy in wanting to not get ready for bed leaving me to have to abandon my post. It looks like it was a slow and painful process for him to clear most of the High Charity level. By the time I picked up my controller again, he simply told me he never wanted to talk about it. I tell him on one of the 2-minute long gravity lifts he has a nice butt. He’s still not amused.

December 16th, 8:11 p.m.

Switch back to some Arbiter mayhem. Call it fatigue, but Brice and I start trying to kill our allies at every turn. Since you never fight humans and there aren’t any flood around, the bad guys seem just kind of merge together. I fall back on the safety of my dual Needlers and let them deliver Judge Dredd justice. Needless to say, some shit gets blown up. Rinse. Repeat.

December 16th, 8:29 p.m.

We finish killing Brutes and what not and start kicking butt once more as the Master Chief. Brice and I starting to get a little tired of the constant Brute rushes. At some point Roslyn enters the room asking us meticulous questions about the game. Every time something goes wrong, I blame it on her.

December 16th, 8:43 p.m.

I don’t know exactly how it happened, but Brice get’s utterly lost. By the time I realize it, I’m more than half way up the map. I backtrack to find him stuck in the open courtyard doing laps. He’ll run around and then look it at me yelling “how the hell did you get there?” I tell him to look to his right. All he can say is. “Fuck me.”

December 16th 8:46 p.m.

Wanting this level to be desperately over, I do a grenade hop on top of the level and run like the dickens while Brice blasts away on the ground below. Finally we get to the end and we watch us take the most badass slip and slide that could ever be conceived.

December 16th, 8:47

We start the last mission to which Brice is already bummed that we finish the game as the Arbiter. He jumps on the Spectre and finds immediate disappointment in the AI’s driving ability leaving to pretty much get decimated. Luckily my tank is dropping pain like presents at Christmas.

December 16th, 8:57 p.m.

We get to the Scarab and I again get sidetracked. By the time I get back, Brice has pretty much cleaned shop. He tells me he lives for the vehicle moments so I try to drop my banshee on him as he goes through the front door.

December 16th, 9:02 p.m.

I’m not entirely sure how it happened, but Brice tried to sticky an unaware Brute. However, he missed by centimeters and the grenade bounced back attaching itself to Brice’s body. Not only did he die, but the resulting explosion sprung the trap early leaving me to fend for myself.

December 16th, 9:04 p.m.

Brice comes back into the game literally right behind the initial captain he was trying to stick and gives him one to the back of the dome. You can’t say the game doesn’t try to keep things fair on the easier difficulties.

December 16th, 9:15 p.m.

We get to the main ring and fight Tartar Sauce in a playful association with Tarturus. As I say this Brice realizes he’s hungry. What Brice doesn’t realize is I’ve been secretly eating more pizza downstairs in between level loads. Whoops.

December 16th 9:17 p.m.

I round a corner into Tartar Sauce and get concussed too far in jump over the edge of the map. I tell Brice to be careful, where he goes and shoots him and then swords him killing him. Brice looks and me asks, “that’s it?”

Try playing the game on legendary punkass.

Johnson and Miranda come back up and we all talk about going back to earth. I cry a little as I realize we’ll be here until at least 2:30 a.m. playing Halo 3.

Brice's total deaths: 46*
Matt's total deaths: 28
Total restarts: 9

Let the Good Times Roll. (see: Sarcasm) Halo 3 here we come.

* Should reflect that Brice died 5 times while continuing to play while I abandoned my post. The record should in fact reflect that he died only 41 times, but seeing how we are not sure how many deaths he actually accumulated while I was gone (and not recording) and seeing how since he sucks considerably when I am not around to carry his weak ass, this number was probably a lot higher so we decided to come to an average middle ground.